Never play Scrabble with a headline writer

Most of what you need to know about headlines can be found in this wry classic: "Man Bites Dog." Let's break it down.

"Man Bites Dog" is in the basic subject-verb-object form you learned in 9th grade English. It's always the easiest to understand. The construction is active and immediate, unlike the boring "Dog Bitten By Man." Sometimes the passive tense works better, usually when the person or thing doing the action is less important than what was done. As in, "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar." (Who found the head? Who cares.)

There are many other forms of heads (the printed ones, not the ones rolling around in bars). Sometimes a label headline works: "10 Ways to Bite a Dog" (a blog basic). Sometimes you forget the verb and jam: "Lions and TIgers and Bears, Oh My!" Then there are the cliches, such as the lazy-ass "said head": "President Said to Consider New Career." Yuck.

Headlines generally are written in what is called "present for past." Something was said a day ago, but you write it as "Jones says" not "Jones said."

The colon can be really helpful in cutting down words (tight space being the bane of copyeditors, who are really good at Scrabble). Like so -- "Best Headline Ever: 'Man Bites Dog' " (you've lost "written" and made it fit.) Or as shorthand attribution, as in "Ford to City: Drop Dead." I like dashes, they're dramatic when you want some punch -- got it?

The best advice I ever heard about news headline content is to pretend you're on a train leaving the station and have to tell a friend on the platform something urgent. You'll get right to the point.